This is my story of the every day, behind closed doors, side of adoption – adopting a foster kid who didn’t want to be adopted is hard.
I hold onto my vision of a peaceful thriving family and utilize my tools to get us through.
Here’s my video opening up on a tough evening
Most days I still feel like I’m an outsider in my own family. This angry teen made me a parent yet stole my motherhood.
Most of the time I receive commendation for adopting three siblings from the foster care system. Sometimes I’m embarrassed telling people I am a parent of a 15-year-old and then their next question is, “What, how old are you?!” Ugh, this one of the only times I don’t like looking young because then I feel obligated to add, “I adopted her” and it opens up more than I want to share. I don’t like talking about it, especially in front of my daughter Amanda because her adoption is still a raw spot in our lives.
I made the decision over 5 years ago to welcome three siblings into my forever home
My ex and I took in Jonathan (5) and Makayla (2) in July 2012. A few weeks later I got the call Amanda had been taken away from her maternal grandmother – would we take her? She’s the sweetest, kindest girl with a fiery temper. I’ve invested so much time with her and we’ve made progress. Though the harsh reality at the end of the day is …
I feel like we’ll never be a real family
I’ve failed that relationship time and again with Amanda because the bottom line is she doesn’t want to be with me. She still views me as a foster mom and makes it very clear to people I’m not her mom. I had this fantasy of having a loving close family and instead, I have a giant thorn in my garden. Right now I’m missing my younger daughter’s sleepover in the living room because Amanda is parked out there. It’s just easier to be away from her and I know I hide from her a lot.
Not only physically avoiding her, I also hide my true self and tiptoe around my own home
She criticizes what I wear, how I talk, insults my music and if I’m happily whistling she demands I stop from inside her room. Geez! As I’m writing this I sound like a victim and that’s not what I want to create. Part of this is parenting a teenager, yet in my reality, there’s no loving foundation to hold us together. She tattles on me to her biological family if she’s unhappy and her bio mom even called the cops on me one time when I took away her phone. Are you kidding me?? It hardly feels like I’m the parent here and it’s so frustrating.
How can I create the family life I want now?
Visualization…and being extremely mindful of how I talk about the situation, what I want and how I feel. I utitilize my tools of affirmations and focusing more on what I want than what is driving me crazy right now. Almost always when once I consciously recognize my desire to switch from a negative feeling to a positive feeling about an issue, this starts to shift things!
Remember Lauren, act in kindness on your journey and master your relationship with yourself, others, and the world.
It is so difficult to control other people’s behavior so how can I control myself better? I strive to respond with love and need to start seeing myself being more loving. I want more love and better experiences with my adopted family, so I need to be more of that to get more! And oh it’s hard! Being loving instead sometimes feels like I’m being weak and giving into negative behaviors.
What do I want going forward?
First I wish Amanda and I had a strong loving relationship, second that we had a civil relationship and lastly we have a non-existent relationship. And that third option tears me apart, it feels so sad to think of losing her. Currently, the situation feels like eggshells – usually tense though alright until something pops up. My ex doesn’t want to deal with Amanda anymore so it feels like it’s up to me. I am capable of it, yet dealing with this difficult part on my own also takes so much away from being the best mom I can be to Amanda and Makayla. Use gratitude to change the situation.
Be grateful for Amanda as a wonderful tool to practice kindness every day!
I know this blog post is meant to be read by people like you and touch something exciting inside you. Hope! The hope of fulfilling your wildest dreams and doing it now. Connect with Lauren’s Financial Freedom Journey to support you achieving your financial freedom and enjoying peace of mind and happiness in your relationship with yourself, your people and your world.
About Lauren’s Financial Freedom Journey
Aloha! I’m Lauren and I’m super excited you’re reading this about me section. If you are, chances are it’s because this is the first time you’re visiting my website. So warmest aloha and welcome!
The purpose of my journey is to teach people how to build businesses that last, create freedom (time, financial and peace of mind) and do good in our world for generations
My dream is to reside in Kauai on my fully paid for, secluded oceanfront acres in my dream house, enjoying the lifestyle of a financially free millionaire. I teach billions of people to create their own peace of mind and financial freedom. An entrepreneur since 20, I sold my first company and moved to Hawaii to be happy and fulfill my purpose. I give gratitude every day I am living Lauren’s Financial Freedom Journey.